I know, I know, I disappeared - or ghosted - for a while. It's been a crazy year or so. So let me explain...
I had been suffering a lot with my mental health. I was all over the place, especially since the second year had started. You know how glass shatters? It cracks all over? And then the shards kinda go everywhere? Yeah, that's exactly how I was. I think my mental health has been one of the things I've put off dealing with for a long while, just because it is easier not to think of some things but also because sometimes I don't know what to do apart from distracting myself. And that, of course, isn't the way to deal with mental health.
As my friends know by now, I am like excellent at procrastinating, I can do it with everything and at any time. But procrastinating then leads me to stress out about the thing even more than I was stressed about it before I started to procrastinate and then I'll go and procrastinate because that is what I do when I'm stressed. Crazy, I know right? After years of doing this, I understood that I do this because I am a perfectionist. Now you may be wondering how in the world... But honestly, that makes a lot of sense! I like to create work that is perfect. I hate making mistakes or doing half-assed work. That to me is a waste of time. Ironically, I procrastinate and put tasks off because of this (*rolls eyes to another galaxy*).
You may be wondering why I'm talking about procrastination, and you might be feeling a little attacked right now (not my intention, promise). Let me explain. Some of you may agree with me when I say that the jump from first year to the second was huge. The workload increased - and when you're a procrastinator, AND you struggle with balancing life, everything can seem to easily fall apart - it's like you're losing control. I mean, I also don't really do myself any favours as I stress out about everything easily so I'm really out here doing the worst for myself on all levels.
So somehow I managed to get through second year even though I honestly wanted to drop out on so many occasions because I couldn't handle it. Here's a huge shoutout to everyone who kept convincing me to stay and got me through the worst. You're the real MVP! How did I do in the end you may ask? Well, surprisingly well actually - I passed!! When I got the email telling me my grades, I was super anxious to check them. Why? Because I honestly thought I failed - and that isn't me overthinking my results or anything, it's because of how much I struggled. When I was reading my results, I was so confused, I didn't know if I should celebrate with Joy or get someone to re-check because I thought I was seeing things! In the end, I had to ask one of my friends to check through my email to make sure I was reading correctly!!
What have I been doing since I finished with uni?
Not very much if I'm honest. The biggest project I have done so far is a declutter following the KonMari Method (an article pending). It was so exhausting! If you're not familiar with this, in short, you declutter things from your life which don't spark joy and make space for everything that does so it is organised and has a home. I mean, it made me feel a little disgusted at myself when I was going through all my things. I found that it was easiest to decide what 'sparked joy' and what didn't with my clothes, and so, I was able to get rid of a good pile. Also, crazy how I had like 223 books?! Clearly, I was delusional thinking I only had 150 books. I tried recording some parts of the declutter. If I can free up some space on my laptop, then I'll turn those snippets into a little video and share it with you! It won't be an aesthetic video and I don't have much experience with editing. But moving on.....
How I feel after decluttering?
I feel lighter. I feel happier. That's a big change for me compared to before when I had more depressive moods. I'm not as anxious as I used to be. My anxiety and panic attacks have calmed down by A LOT! I'm still going through and decluttering my things. I'll save the rest of the KonMari review for another post!
Any plans over the summer?
Honestly, at this point, I don't have much of a clue. Apart from my retail job, I don't have much else to do. I mean, I could start working on my dissertation by reading up on different materials around my subject. I'm hoping to start training for a 5k run I plan on doing with some of my friends. I still have some decluttering to do so I will try and work on that. If any of my friends are free, I'd love to go on some photo shoots or try out some new places to eat. Other than this, I'm just gonna let the summer role out.
Until next time....
PS. how have you been doing lately? Have you scheduled in some self-care time?
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