• Adeela Ejaz

Depression, Self Harm, and Suicide | Mental Health

Updated: Jun 9, 2018

Over the years, I have suffered with mental health and here is a brief summary of that journey.


At the beginning of year 7, I developed an eating disorder; I was starving myself. Not long after that, I began self harming (I cut myself). This was due to my nan passing away in October 2009. Having to deal with certain issues that shouldn't happen to any child or to anyone at all took its toll on me, but I wasn't to know the extent of its damage for years to come. Almost a year later, unable to cope with depression and many unfortunate events, I began binge eating instead. This led to me piling on so much weight and having a very low self esteem. For a long time I cut myself with a brief period of around 6 months where I stopped harming. Year 9 came with its own trials with crappy friends and it didn't help that I was such an awkward human. Someone who was meant to be a 'friend' introduced me to this guy who proved to be very dangerous and creepy who claimed to “love me”. I mean, I was stupid to believe such crap but luckily for me I had a good friend who helped me out. Looking back on this, I realise how bad the situation actually was because if I had ever met him a second time, I could have been in some serious trouble. I wasn't aware that he was part of a gang until I sat down and re-evaluated that situation. Feeling unloved (I felt isolated, alone and a burden on others because that's what having depression feels like) made me very vulnerable to predators. This is when I learnt that I had an issue with saying ‘NO’ and that if I didn't learn soon, I could get myself into all kinds of trouble. In April 2014, I began feeling suicidal and in October of the same year, I attempted suicide. Fortunately, I had good support around me that helped me through that time. Since then, I've never attempted suicide or felt suicidal but I have sometimes still self harmed. I have been diagnosed with manic depression which is a mental disorder that causes periods of depression and periods of elevated moods. This is also known as bipolar disorder.


Self hate

Feeling unloved (I felt isolated, alone and a burden on others because that's what having depression feels like) made me very vulnerable to predators.

Over the years I’ve tried and tested many different methods, some worked for me while some didn't. That’s not to say that they might not work for other people. The best advice I can give you is to talk to someone whether its with a family member, a friend, or calling help lines like ChildLine or Samaritans. It’s very important for you to get your feelings out to someone because bottling things up is toxic for your mental health. When you’re depressed, you lose interest in all the activities that you once enjoyed but doing something that distracts you will help. When I’m depressed, I often watch my favourite TV shows like NCIS, Lucifer and all the others I love and it allows me to keep that feeling at bay because if I don't, I'll be living in my mind and that can be one hell of a nightmare.


Speak up!

It’s very important for you to get your feelings out to someone because bottling things up is toxic for your mental health.

Most importantly, never forget that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and there are so many others who are going through the same thing as you! Mental health is a huge umbrella and unfortunately, there’s not enough awareness for it. By starting this blog, I’m hoping to change that and in the process, help as many people as I possibly can. So please, if you need someone to listen to you and you find that you have no one to turn to, I’ll be here. Do not be afraid to reach out for help because there are a lot of people out there who are willing to listen to you.

#mentalhealth #depression #suicide #selfharm #blog #mentalhealthawareness

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